So I'm really not thrilled about this post, but I feel like I need to write it down... Do you ever have a thought or feeling that that isn't necessarily fully formed in your mind? It flits in and out on occasion but never sticks around long enough for you to fully recognize or seal with it - yesterday I had one of those that finally took it's full shape, so now I'm dealing with it. Of course it's related to sin in my life - why wouldn't it be?!
I'm sad to say that I don't seem to ever be able to affect the temperature of the conversations that happen around me. What I mean is that I don't seem to ever be able to change them. The best that I can do is to surround myself with people who walk closer to God than I do, so that I can stay out of trouble. Even this, though, causes problems for me. So many times I have walked away from conversations where have jumped across the line and put my foot so far into my mouth that I'm amazed it ever makes it back out again! It's usually for the sake of humor - which is just sad. What's even worse, is that I know who I can go to - who will get a kick out of what I have to say. Instead of looking to exhort my brothers and sisters closer to Christ, I appeal to their flesh and pull them back down - all for the sake of a laugh? I actually feel worse now that I've written it down. It didn't seem so intentional yesterday, but now it just sounds deranged. God says that our hearts are deceitfully wicked - in Psalm 139, David asks God to search his heart, find the wickedness and then to lead him away from it into the way everlasting. That's what I want - as awful as it is to see what's really there, I want God to search my heart, find the evil that's hidden neatly away, and lead me away from it. I want to walk close to the Lord in everything, and I want to to be used to bring others (all others) closer to Him - not exploit their weak areas. Love covers a multitude of sins - it doesn't use them as an excuse to sin.
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